A New Age Bracket

I turned 45 on Monday. Yep, 6/6/66. Now I'm in this 45-49 age bracket which is full of mid-life crisis-enduring speed demons intent on retaining/regaining their youth of 20 years ago *. Thankfully this is a passing phase and most men move on into acceptance by about age 73 or 74. And this cohort conveniently lies on the boundary where a fast race time equals an assured 'fountain of youth' return to a time when everything looked like a Prefontaine movie, while a plodding ass-strained limp through mile two of a community 5K fun run can be tossed away with a casual, "All these kids with their flashy smiles and bandanas!! I couldn't get a rhythm going and the damn music is melting my ears!"

Seattle's Prefontaine Building. Thanks for nothing Google!

I'll tell you what else has been melting some ears - the sound of me yelling "I'm rich!!" Generous relatives sent me $150 in Roadrunner Sports gift cards. I think they want me to run myself into the ground so I'll stop impregnating Maria. I perused merchandise obsessively online, then headed over yesterday to claim my looty. Within a few minutes of entering the store, I figured out that they do not carry nearly as much stuff in the store as they advertise online, and the employees are hopelessly tuned to the beginning runner. Samples of parlay (as overheard)....
"you have a slight pronation on the left that is causing you to push that foot further out as you run. It may result in strained running and injury. I recommend these pronation-reducing inserts" Hey Dr. Scholl, stop screwing around with people!  or check out this priceless bon mot "I've been running nearly three years so I decided to get a job here and eventually run in my first marathon"

My salesperson received free one on one coaching by yours truly: I helped her locate the Scape sunscreen, identify its purpose, and discern that there is no difference except there are two types of packaging. I also helped her understand that the lip balm is not a child-sized sunscreen container, but meant to be applied to the area that surrounds a persons bubble gum hole. She then showed me the two racks that hold visors. I patiently showed her that one rack holds nothing but full hats while the other is reserved for the visors. I didn't see the Asics visor that was advertised on the website, so I asked her, and she said that she was pretty sure Asics only makes shoes. I met up with Suzanne right then (she was buying winter close-out stuff) and the sales person wandered away, I'm sure she went to read Teen Beat or Twitter or some such crap. I found an RRS visor, some RRS shorts, and settled on the el cheapo Nathan 10 oz handheld. It was between that one and the Fuel Belt, and have you seen the Fuel Belt 10 oz? POS. So is the Nathan, but the gift cards were burning my ass and triggering all my purchase peptides. I also got 6 packs of Gu, some running socks, some Accelerade and went past the $150 mark without breathing hard. I had to put back the Salt Stick tabs because I was over my limit. Holy batshit running stuff is expensive.

So tomorrow morning is ARR Summer Series race #2 on what looks like a flat course as seen on satellite. My PR for a 5K is 27:30, but it was run at the FYTO 5K in January. There were several things wrong with that race:  Garmin only measured 3.03 miles, it was Directed and WON by Adam, my calf blew up in the last quarter mile, and Adam was the Director and WON the fucking race. So tomorrow I want to try for a sub 27:00 which is 8:41/mile. I'm going to try a warm up 3/4 mile pre-race, and also be a bit more awake than usual for the first mile (coffee and race atmosphere). I want to hold 8:50 for the first two miles and drop the hammer in mile three. I've prepped today by only eating hint-o-lime Tostidos( I would pay extra for Tostidos that were dripping with lime powder. Don't you just love that one chip in the bag that got stuck on the conveyor belt and was sprayed with lime chemical for 45 minutes? I want a whole bag of those!) and drinking expired Cytomax. I also pinned my race bib with only three pins a la Nitmos (2 diagonal and one smack in the middle, all three under the shirt ninja-style!!!), and I'll sleep in the park tonight a la Runlaur. If none of that works, then I'll claim my social security and refuse to vote for anything that doesn't directly benefit my senior living community.


* To be fair, it is also almost exclusively comprised of men and women who have been running most of their lives and have worked hard to get to this level. Almost all of the people out running at 6:30am in sanctioned races are serious runners.

What Time Is It?

Those bells remind me of....

Cupcakes. There are three times for me to run: When I want to run, when I don't want to run, and 5:15 am. My brain thinks about running differently at different times of the day, and if I listen to my brain, all kinds of trouble comes my way. So I need to run when I can, and the most open time of day is early morning. It's optimal for weather, open schedule, and empty streets. It is not optimal for mental preparation. All I want to do at 5am is sip coffee, watch SportsCenter, and critically review yesterday's Daily Mile submissions (No effing way could Adam have run that fast!!). My brain craves running at around 2:30 in the afternoon and again at about 8pm. Neither of those times ever fit into my schedule. I go out early anyway and feel fine after about ten minutes of learning how to run all over again.

This year, I set a goal to run with a partner and/or group. Suzanne has been meeting me for most of the morning runs. We used to run almost the same and she was edging ahead of me on just over half of the runs, but lately she has been plagued by cardio, calvio, and other legio problems. Plus I have been pushing myself a bit and I'm faster than I was 6 months ago. The past few mornings, we have started at my driveway, but I pull away after the first half mile of warm up and run at my pace. I finish a few minutes ahead of her which gives me a chance to pee in her gas tank get water and pop a nitro pill. Afterwards we talk about gardening and European economics (will their outdated shadow pricing policy ever come around to the 21st century? Dirty-footed peasants!) So while we don't trot along together at a 7 minute pace chatting like Paris and Nicole, we do retain our commitment and accountability - and that is partner running. Running with a group has not happened consistently, though we have gone out a few times with the Runners Den group. They go out each Saturday at 6:00am and run in a variety of distances and pace groups. Good times, and I'm going to go with them more often.

This summer we plan to stay around Phoenix most of the time with one vacation planned to the metaphysical crystaline hills of Sedona. We got a great deal on a house up there (eff R double E), so there will be a couple of weeks of creekside runs with Norman the dog (and others from the valley who invite themselves up) and some cooler weather. The rest of the time will be spent trying to force the geometry of our office/computer room into a nursery. Baby girl coming in August and we still don't have a name picked out. I like Nitmos, but Maria wants to 'keep thinking about it'. The nursery is little room in an already little house, and I'm not sure how we are going to make it work without me setting up camping gear in the back yard.

I enter the 45-49 age bracket Monday which means increased head-shaking shame when looking at race results. Those guys are fast. There are almost always 3-4 guys from that bracket in the top five, and usually many more in the top 20. Inspiring!

Are you signed up for the SYTO 5K? Get your info in to Adam, we need some fast runners this year to replace the current champ. There will be shared loot giveaways for those who show up in person and a heck of a good time!

Don't Forget....

To lube. Dang it. And also Mother's Day..Don't forget Mother's Day. Mother's Day Mother's Day Mother's Day (go now to Walgreens and get a fucking card....... ooohhhh a new Man vs. Wild episode!!) Went out for a long slow run this morning and didn't apply Sport Glide to my saddle area. Redness, soreness, abrasion, you get the idea. I've been responsible about using this product for anything over 6 miles for about two years now. Goes on dry, doesn't crumble, keeps the red out.

How does RTP use Sport Glide? First off, he doesn't on May 7, 2011. But he does other days. For those of you imagining some kind of soft focus, slinky music-laced, R-rated slow motion scene, let me assure you it's so much more than that. Think "Ghost" and you are halfway there. Body Glide has a lot of competitors but I haven't tried them. I've received two sticks of this stuff free from blogger contests. I suppose I'll have to buy some eventually and maybe I'll try some of the other stuff. Jamoosh extolls Anti-Monkey Butt, Adam likes Muellers (I think), and SUAR is loyal to to Astro Glide (I imagine) (link too disturbing to post).

This Glide stick I'm working on now is a combo formula that includes sunscreen??? (His fingers paused over the keyboard wondering whether to go on. And like the fat girl on prom night, he decides 'go all the way!!'). Sunscreen?? For there???!!!!????? Why would I need to slather my juncque and neighboring region with sunscreen? I have a few ideas from that one website, but it sure doesn't involve a ten mile run on the canal. Is it for those who run shirt-free? Without a shirt, there is no chance of chaffage!! Unless...

Yeah, that would do it.

Lessons learned: Lube up for long runs. Don't spend too much time scanning images on Google for topics like this.

RTP Rating for Sport Glide:

Cake = it's great and I highly recommend this product. Keep your fingers away from my mouth.

WWJD?

That's right, what would Jeff do? I have a marijuana marathon (thanks Adam!!) maintenance plan of running long on Saturday mornings alternating with 6 miles, 8, 10, then 7 miles, 9, 11, then back to 6 and start over. The idea is to build up to a base of 20-25 miles per week and also build up the mid week runs to include a rotation of tempo, strides, and hill work. Then around September, I'll fall in love and move out to the Hamptons I will begin a plan that will take me to the starting line for AZ RnR in January ready to break 2:03:02 once and for all, and on a certified course!

So the decision today was whether to run 6 miles or 8. My running partner is still suffering from plantar, asthma, and puddingslow, but we had agreed to run our long runs at 10:45 to 11:15 pace NO MATTER WHAT. It keeps us aerobic, injury free, and trains our bodies to be out on the road for a loooonnnnnggggg time -kinda like a marathon. Running faster only teases my brain into thinking I'm better than I am and results in a finish line disappointment and possibly erectile dysfunction.* Partner went six and I ran 8, but I went fast during three of the miles including the last mile. Most plans would wag a naughty finger at me and say:

Quite simply, Jeff is an idiot

Higdon: No-no-no, stay at your prescribed pace.
Jeff: Shoot, I was feeling good and wanted to stretch it out a bit. And I'm not hurt!
Higdon: Not hurt this time, hows that toe?
Me: welllllll, a little black but that's cool right?
Higdon: Cool rhymes with fool son. Follow my plan and I'll get you across the finish line healthy and happy.
Me: Ok Mr. Higdon, I'll do it!
Higdon: Let me see your hand.
Me: What?
Higdon: Your hand boy. Let me see it!!
Me: This hand? Oh lookie, my fingers were crossed. ha ha
Higdon: (scowling. shakes head and wanders off to Country Buffet because it's almost 4pm)

Marathon training plans are designed from experience, research, and are set to help people cross the finish line feeling happy, healthy, and accomplished. So don't fuck with it Jeff! We are pros who have run for years, usually professionally and Olympically, we've interviewed thousands of runners, and analyzed stats and research, and we really do know what we're talking about. Well Mr. Professional, I'd like to introduce to you to Mr. Ego. Ego has been around for 44 years and also knows what he (it? id?) is talking about. Ego can bring Jeff's credit card (my counselor told me to watch out for third person disassociation shit like this) out in  flash, drive him to run into injury, and generally cause havoc that would make a New York Dolls concert seem like a Scottsdale 85 and older tea party.

lovely, just lovely

I ran faster than my plan allowed. Sue me. No, sue someone else who has money and make up challenging scenarios for me to spend the money in a limited time.

I feel like I'm at a turning point in this quest to be in better physical shape. I'm losing a bit of weight and feeling stronger than I was two years ago about the running, but I remain reluctant to decide whether to go faster and risk mid-run lung ejection or stay at these speeds and feel like I'm getting medium workouts. At what point does a person, can a person, should a person, upgrade to a faster plan?




* possibly, just possibly, but maybe it was the Thai food

2011 Pat's Run Race Report

2011 Pat's Run 4.2 mile race Tempe, Arizona

That's a PR!

This was the third time in three years I have run in this event and I've gotten faster each year. The top finishers:

20:33!! HS!

Average age of these finishers is 29! I'm kind of a stats nut, and I really love looking at ages and times of some of these runners. There were six 89 year olds who smashed my time, and plenty others who finished. That's inspiring. I have a buddy from Florence, AZ who is a skinny young fast runner and he finished in less than two minutes ahead of me. I haven't had a chance to talk to him, but either I'm getting faster, or he has a broken leg.

I was thinking during the last mile about dragons and cheerleaders whether I could have gone faster, and the answer was no. My paces were off from my plan and mostly positive splits instead of my usual negative splits, but I really believe that even if I were able to reverse that, my total time would have been the same. The hill in the third mile was a surprise to me. I had forgotten it thinking only about the hill on Curry road in mile 2. I ate that hill alive but burped it back up on the hill in mile 3. I was feeling pretty gassed at that point and wasn't able to throw down a turbo in the last .3 when we enter the stadium (Lauren, I was doing the gasping thing again! How embarrassing) With about 30,000 runners, you can imagine that it was difficult at times to stay on a planned path. This is supposed to be a fun run, and so I only pepper sprayed one or two "people" who decided to walk right in front of me.

Hey! Good times and nothing more about this lest I draw too much attention away from the folks running that little huckleberry in Boston on Monday. Tear it up Beth!

Smell This... Does This Smell Bad??

Ran this morning 6 miles in 58 minutes w/Norman. He almost got a duck!! It was a nice run without incident. Plantar is talking bit on the left but no big worries. Calves fine, pulmonary fine.

Not dead dead, just dead drunk.... AGAIN!

Got home for my typical weekend post-run coconut water and had two big gulps before realizing something was.... wrong with the stuff. Not 'dead mouse' wrong, more like a dying mouse had taken a swim in the can before crawling off somewhere else to die --possibly in a Golden Arches product. A couple of small gags later, I was past it and moving forward in my morning recovering with water and coffee.

Pat's Run is coming up next weekend. 4.2 miles around Tempe with about 25,000 other meatheads. There are a few choices for approaching a run like this: Race, commemorate, socialize, other.

RTP's Strategy choices for Pat's Run 2011:

!. Go for a PR. Last year was 38:33 which is a 9:12 avg. pace. Uugggh, that's a fast time to beat, but doable. I was heavy into a 'roid phase this time last year, but this year I'm a better runner.

2. Run for fun with Harrison in stroller and finish in exactly 42 minutes to honor Officer Tillman. (option 2.1 is to handicap race against Adam and his man-child)

3. Run for fun then run 4 more miles after to get a long slow run in for the weekend. Fuck that I can tell you right now.

No matter what, this is a fun time each year and I'm looking forward to it. I'm definitely one of those runners who loves the atmosphere of a foot race of any type. I love the pre-race rituals and the waiting in the corrals, and all the post-race analysis. I don't care that I'm slower than most, I still can't believe that I can run at all. It's been a good Spring for me. Not as many miles as I has planned, but I'm healthy and heading into the Phoenix summer with a base that will carry me into the start of Marathon training in late August.


Dangling Thought: Will Nitmos ever admit it?

It's Getting Hot Here in Phoenix

Went out for a 5 mile run with Suzanne and Norman the 8 month old no-nut nut-job choc lab spazoid.

We started by walking since Suzanne is still suffering from plantar faciitis and was also having pulmonary challenges. Our plan was to go 5 miles and we nailed the distance. The pace was on the slow side, but we both finished with negative splits and feeling healthy. I know from past experience that plantar- like most of my stripper girlfriends-- is a bitch while you have it and then it's gone seemingly overnight when it finally decides to leave. Hopefully hers leaves soon and isn't replaced by ITBS, patellar tendonitis, or air-conditioned lazy bones. I have some interesting little aches and pains going but nothing to really claim as an injury right now. I attribute it to inconsistent mileage and poor attitude. He doesn't really know it, but Georgia Snail is my current running/fitness hero, and of course SUAR.

So we left at about 7:45 and the sun was up and blazing. I had put on sunscreen (I'm nearly transparent-complected, so I need to wear spf 'aluminum siding') and a water belt. Most runs under 7 miles lately have been without water but today I was glad I brought it. This summer, I'm determined to try a handheld water system. It seems convenient and all the cool kids are doing it.

So we went through the run mostly without incident. Norman didn't have to crap in the street, but he did slow down towards the end. It's obvious that he will not be able to make it on daylight or long Phoenix runs in the summer. Poor pooch, he loves to go out.

Our normal route crosses some major roads and we usually have to wait for traffic. Sometimes that is a blessing and sometimes I wish I was still running. The good part is that I'm getting better at hitting paces and holding them. This is a skill that either comes naturally or with a lot of running and help from the Garmin 305 (that's  me). I'm still a big fan of the Garmin and almost never run without it. I love the data and the running log, and being noticed in the coffee shop afterwards --
Her: "Your a runner?"
Me: "Yep.......... uhhhh you missed that contraction in your opening line"
Her: "I do that sometimes you sexy runner beast!"
Me: "Are you a runner too?" Brilliant Jeff Brilliant!! This is gonna be good! Keep it going...
Her: "No, just an EMT trying to resuscitate you because you inhaled muffin crumbs and started choking and then dreamt up this little dialog. Are you like 50??"
Me: "Damn"

Thermometer now at 95 in the shade in mid-afternoon. Air conditioner on. Here we go again.....